Good Lord… he’s in three dimensions. THREE OF THEM.
UGO has dredged up the first image of a Smurf from the upcoming (whenever that refers to) Smurfs movie. And I couldn’t be more Smurfy about it. I guess it’s just weird to see the clothing look like actual fabric, even kind of dirty and with seams. But considering there’s not much else to talk about beyond the fact that there’s a Smurf of indeterminate color in this image, I suppose we can talk about other things
Do Smurfs have tails? What about toes? What about teeth? The image doesn’t indicate teeth. Seemingly he doesn’t even have nostrils. Or eyelashes. What about a bellybutton? How do Smurfs reproduce, anyway? I mean, the blue skin alone does plenty to confuse about whether they’re mammals or not. I wonder if they have hair. I mean, Papa Smurf has a beard, and Smurfette has hair, but they seem to be in the classification of “special” Smurfs. Why does Gargamel want them anyway? Is it for food or to turn them into gold? How many alchemical properties do the Smurfs have? How would one prepare a Smurf to be eaten? Are they sauteed with mushrooms? Wouldn’t that be adding insult to injury?
Look, I don’t need to tell you that this movie is most definitely going to be bad. I’ll leave that for you to figure out yourselves. All I can say is that maybe we’ll see a Smurf get eaten. Oh God please let it be eaten by the cat. Do that for me. I’ve wanted to see a Smurf fight a cat for years. Yes, it’s sadistic. I don’t care.
