I Ain’t Gonna Die In No Apocalypse

Just Cause 2 is an open-world action game that’s as ridiculous as it is full of things to do.

You play as Rico Rodriguez, an agent of “the Agency”, whose mission is to go into the small island nation of Panau and complete a regime change. While doing this you’re also tasked with finding and possibly killing another Agency agent named Tom Sheldon, the man who taught your character everything he knows. That’s really it for the story when you start off.

The gameplay is based around “Chaos”. You accrue Chaos through completing missions(of any type), getting 100% completion in certain areas, and destroying government property. There are only seven story missions in the game and you need to accrue enough Chaos to unlock each one. It takes quite a while to get enough for a mission, so you’ll be doing a decent amount of things other than just completing story missions. Thankfully the game provides “faction missions” you complete for local gangs to help you pass the time and increase your Chaos level.


  • The gameplay is so much fun, and that’s what really matters. I don’t really care if a game like this is realistic. Sure, you can tether as many things together as you want with your grappling hook and you have a seemingly unlimited supply of parachutes. But, who cares? If you were forced to just drive around and shoot enemies the whole time this game would be awful.
  • Variety of vehicles is great. Again, thank you for that grappling hook and being able to hijack any vehicle. If I had to get across the island during a mission and I didn’t have the ability to fly a jet where I was going and then bail out with an open parachute right before the jet hit a mountain(landing is tricky, besides this way is so much more fun to watch), getting there would take FOREVER.
  • Praise the black market dealer. When you’re not in a mission you can have your trusted friend the black market dealer pick you up and instantly drop you off anywhere you have been before, for FREE. You can also have him drop weapons or vehicles for you at any point in the game. Out of bullets and in a pickle? Have the black market dealer drop you a tank!
  • The last mission, or even last two missions, are so ridiculous that they’re awesome. In the same way that I enjoyed watching Mega Piranha.


  • The voice acting borders on offensive. It sounds like everyone is doing their worst impression of the accent they’re trying to convey, which most of the time is from who-knows-where. The voice actor who plays Rico sounds almost exactly like Robert Smigel when he is doing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog(thankfully he doesn’t speak often).  And I have to say I’m glad I won’t be hearing anyone calling me “Kom-Raid” or “Serdadu” again.
  • The story/writing/dialogue, all of it is terrible. The title of this review is an actual quote from the main character.  Did I mention how ridiculous the ending was? Oh yeah, and ninjas.

Just Cause 2 is a very fun game that’s surely worth the money you’d pay for it. It took me around 20-22 hours to beat the story missions, and I kept playing just to find and assassinate more colonels. After I was done doing that I was only at 30% completion. If you wanted to 100% this game you would be crazy and in for way more than 30 hours of total game time. The story and voice-acting are pretty bad, so this is probably a game you’re going to want to play with music on in the background instead of listening to the in-game audio. The gameplay is something you need to experience for yourself, mostly to see what crazy things you can come up with, like tethering cars that are chasing you to each other or the road, or just hooking a guy to your vehicle and driving away. It’s as fun as you make it, and there’s a lot of potential.

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