Fine, Let’s Talk About the Sexmotron

Okay, so in New Jersey they’ve unveiled a sex robot.  Yes, a man named Douglas Hines has created a robot that is designed specifically to have sex with.  Let it sink in.  Still, the most interesting part of this story?  The fact that his idea stemmed from the September 11th attacks.  Let THAT sink in.  Apparently he wished to find a way to reproduce personalities after the death of a friend.  From there it was apparently just a couple steps to making a sexbot.

Maybe he was just looking for an excuse?  I mean, what kind of a person says that a national tragedy made him want to get it on with some latex-covered machinery?  Of course, I’m guessing that if you’ve spent around eight years working on a sex droid, you likely don’t pay much attention to what people think of you.  And if you’ve purchased a sex droid, I doubt you’re someone who spends a lot of time speaking with your family.

Now, let’s not get the wrong idea.  The robot can’t walk.  There are no real murderous rampages that are likely to occur, so let’s just put that possibility to bed right now.  All it can do is talk (because it’s as close as the owner will get to human interaction) and gyrate, I guess.  But still, those gyrations could become deadly.  I mean, what if it jams?  Or, what if it gets caught on a loop, ridiculing its owner day and night, until he is forced to deprogram it?  Cut four minutes later, and the police arrive to a man strangling a “woman” whose batteries he can’t figure out how to remove.  The next thing you know, we have actual RoboCops because the police were so impressed with the sexbot’s performance under pressure that they offer her a job.  Now the robots have access to the world’s criminals and can issue parking tickets.  We’ve seen it a millions times, folks.

For the sake of fairness, let’s take a look at this gorgeous android.  I’m sure it can’t be all that-

Oh dear God what is wrong with it’s face?  It’s like they took an animatronic caveman from the museum and popped its face on its most-likely Terminator-like skull.  I think I’ll save my money for the weapons I’ll need to fight these things off.

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