China, IL – “Is College Really Worth It?”
Episode recap two of the second episode of this show’s second season! Illuminati!
The Dean goes crazy pants and decides to raise tuition at the college to $500,000 while cutting professor salaries to minimum wage. Baby Cakes becomes Kevin Costner(Robin Hood) to fight the Dean on the tuition raise. Pony looks for a job so she can stay in school. Frank and Steve resort to shady means in order to get enough money to rent a jet ski for Spring Break.
Spoiler Alert : Frank and Steve are extorting students to get money for jet skis. Pony needs to capture “Costner” to pay her tuition, but gets stuck in Mexico, where she thought everything would be in her price range. She becomes a drug mule to get out. Dean goes further off the rails in order to capture Baby Cakes, posing as Kevin Costner from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Pony actually captures the real Kevin Costner and then makes out with him, and maybe has sex with him. It’s weird. Then Kevin Costner does some heroic shit.
Sammy – “He’s about to say we all gotta go back to being slaves. You watch”
Steve – “Riding a jet ski is like riding around the lake on a giant vibrator. Girls get…curious”
Frank – “And you know what curiosity does to the cat. It gets her drunk and kisses her privates.”
Sammy – “Bitch, stop looking at life as a line. It’s a f**king circle.”
Dean “Are you crazy? That’s a Costner in berzerker mode. Gotta wait ’til he cools. Find him asleep in a tree. Then strike.”
Baby Cakes “That’s right, I’m so berzerked that I never sleep. I’m invincible!”
The bank is ready to give Pony a loan, but they want to take a limb from her as payment.
Baby Cakes “Morgan Freeman, our good deeds can’t end. Huzzah!”
Baby Cakes- “Don’t you f**king thank me! It’s what I do. Huzzah!”
Pony – “Wait a second, I got 200 bucks, I bet that’s at least $500,000 in Mexico. El problemo, el solvedo!”
Mexican Admissions – “Oh, I think I know what’s going on here. You waddled your fat cat American ass down here, thinking that Mexico was as dirty and cheap as Selena Gomez.”
Pony – “What about all the pictures online of Mexicans drinking Coronas on the beach, in hammocks?”
Admissions – “Maybe it was the weekend, you racist!”
Border Officer – “Nice try hermana. Go back home”
Baby Cakes – “Why are you dressed like Nasty car enthusiasts?”
Pony – “Oh God. I think the cocaine burst IN MY ASS!”
Baby Cakes – You’ll never take, my freedom!”
Dean – “That slippery f**king Costner is as lithesome as an unfurled condom dancing in a hot tub jet”