Never Not A Nerd

So, along with Predators which was released last night there was the trailer for Machete, a movie that could very well be Robert Rodriguez’s masterpiece because of everything it has, not the least of which is Danny Trejo.  I cannot begin to tell you how awesome Danny Trejo is because it just goes too far beyond words.  The trailer gives us everything we could ask for: Jessica Alba half-naked, Danny Trejo tossing people out of windows, Cheech Marin as a priest that kills people like craaaaazy.  Dude, there are luchadors and Robert DeNiro in this movie.  Anyone who saw Rodriguez team up with Tarantino on Grindhouse saw the at-the-time ‘fake’ trailer for Machete.  Rodriguez liked it so damn much he went ballistic on this movie and made it look totally badass and crazy.  There are a couple little surprises in the trailer I won’t spoil, but I will tell you that this is just too awesome for words, I shit you not.

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I guess these aren’t really trailers, per se.  Can it be a trailer when it’s a bunch of voices and booming music meant to make you think that Mark Zuckerberg was creating an artificial intelligence that was plotting to take control of the military?  Jesus, it’s Facebook, people.  The Social Network is setting this up to be a story of espionage and mystery.  I shouldn’t have to imagine that throughout Facebook’s creation Mark Zuckerberg was running everywhere shouting into a cellphone “You’ve got to give me more time!”  Could you imagine if they had done a movie like this for Myspace?  They’d have had to call it “The Extremely Outdated Advertisement-Ridden Social Network”.  Check out the trailer on the next page to begin wondering what the hell they’re doing with this movie.

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Here’s your new Spider-Man for the reboot set to hit theaters July 3rd, 2012. His name is Andrew Garfield and I can’t say I remember seeing him in anything. I can’t really complain about his age, because he’s only a month older than Donald Glover (they’re both 26). I think out of all the people they said auditioned Josh Hutcherson might have been the most age appropriate, but hey whatever.  We’re going to have to wait 2 years to see how this turns out anyway.

If you pay close attention to our updates you probably remember the ‘announcement trailer’ for this being posted here before. Well, here is the first real trailer and it’s really good. It actually bums me out that this movie doesn’t come out until next March.

Is anyone else reminded of the scene with the giant lizards at the bar in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by the poster for this movie?

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You may not have noticed but everyone is a-giggle about the new trailer for Harry Potter and the Two-Parter.  Or “Two-Potter” or whatever the hell you could imagine it being called.  There are a lot of title-y puns that are still to arise as we wait for what isn’t the last of the Harry Potter series.  Lots of dramatic music and darkness in the trailer.  You’d think Harry Potter had invented a widely-popular social networking site.  I don’t recall seeing Harry use Expecto Patronum at any time in this preview, which is weird because although I still haven’t read the books, from watching the movies it seems like he learned that spell and it became his all-purpose “stop-evil” spell.  To see the Harry Potter vs. Snakeface trailer hit the next page.

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If you’ve seen the trailer for the upcoming film The Social Network, all about the creation of Facebook, congratulations.  Every break between each line they deliver sounds like a vuvuzela and it makes it seem much, much more important than it has any right to be.  It stars Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg (coincidence?) and it doesn’t actually show you anything other than homeboy’s face and a bunch of out-of-context lines of dialogue that make you wonder “But how does the movie end?  Will Facebook be okay?”  I still think they should have done a movie about Amazon.  It could have been like a 90-minute showing of the Home Shopping Network.  Anyway, check out the trailer on the next page.

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The Toy Story films have always held a particularly special place in my heart. The original Toy Story was one of the first movies that I saw in the theater as a child. It introduced my psyche to the obsession of watching  a movie over and over again but also to a new appreciation for the inanimate structures of plastic, cloth, and metal that slept in my toy box waiting to be played with. All of a sudden my imagination was opened further than before and the adventures that I crafted with my toys and action figures became the best that I have ever had. Even after watching the film as an adult, I do not see the Woody and Buzz as symbols of Andy Davis’ childhood. I see them as mine, just as millions of other children that grew up with this movie in their favorite stack of VHS tapes do. When Toy Story 2 came out, of course I saw it the day that it opened with my mom. I enjoyed it as a kid because it was a thoroughly funny movie. Even now I’ll pop it in to listen to some of the fantastic jokes that Hamm has with Rex. However, the themes of the second movie never really held true to what the series was about. Immortality is a key theme in Toy Story 2 which is a bit strange for a movie aimed at the children who were so heavily impacted by the original. Over a decade has passed since the last Toy Story film and now all those young children that adored these movies are grown up. Does Toy Story 3 keep those childhoods alive?

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Today everyone seems a bit peeved with Armond White of the New York Press for this review he wrote of Toy Story 3 claiming that the film was nothing more than a cheap attempt at consumerism, saying that the fans had basically been duped into believing this movie was worth it.  Unfortunately for Armond White, he is wrong.  He is so wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong.  Wrong.  Never mind how he’s ignoring the amount of time, work, and patience it took to get to this point, never mind how good the script is and how much it works to satisfy those who have had faith in Pixar all along, and never mind the fact that it was the perfect cap on a series I’ve been enjoying since I was about seven years old.  Never mind all of that.  As soon as the name Barbie is uttered once, it becomes a colossal advertisement.  The amount that is wrong with that is mind-boggling.

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This movie looks SO good. I will see this at midnight if there is a midnight release, and I suggest you do too. But first, watch the international trailer below.

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The Smurfs.  In New York City.  Which is pretty much bullsmurf, but I suppose I can deal with it.  It’s not like I planned on seeing this anyway, it’s just that I don’t get why you would need to bother taking them out of the woods.  Is it because they’re so desperate to distance comparisons being made with James Cameron’s Avatar?  Or is it just because living in the woods severely reduces the Smurfs’ chance of being introduced to hip-hop and having Papa Smurf bust mad rhymes?  I’ll be surprised if they don’t ‘Sex and the City’ out Smurfette for the movie.  Come on, you know they’ll do something that doesn’t fit at all with the Smurfs just to make it seem hip and current with today’s trends.  But comes on.  They’re little blue people.  If anything screams 2010 it’s that.

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