The Cape – Pilot/Tarot

This is one of the more insane things I have done recently. I wanted to get more words onto the site, so i decided to “live-blog” the new NBC show The Cape. Well, it was a double episode, thus 2 hours long. Check it out below. I hope you enjoy.



Chess
  • It’s the autistic kid from FlashForward
  • So, he’s a cop…in Palm City
  • The villains name is Chess? That’s cooool.
  • Sweet truck man.
  • Theres a list of corrupt cops, huh? I’m already mildly confused.
  • Is this Chess guy supposed to look like a lizard? Or is that just coincidence?
  • Chess just killed the chief of police with something called “L9”, wtf’s all around.
  • The car exploded, but our hero is unhurt. Was it because he was pulling on the door of the car that exploded? That doesn’t make sense.
Orwell
  • I’m so mad! I better punch this punching bag!
  • Aww, tender music and a kid hitting the bag….
  • This Flemming guy is obviously the villain. If he wants secrecy he should cover that chin.
  • Looks like this kid has some Space Invader street art on his wall. Which reminds me, if you haven’t seen Exit Through the Gift Shop, you should.
  • They’re reading a comic called The Cape, how foreshadowy of them.
  • Ha, they called the guy with the skin disorder a pretty face! Oh, that was robotic voiced sarcasm you say?
  • The chemical is in the doll?!?! I would’ve never expected that! This is riveting! RIVETING!
  • His partner just sold him out after he found a shipment of L9.
The Carnival of Crime
  • It’s pretty obvious that Chess was the leader of the ARK company. It’s all a big attempt to privatize the police force.
  • His son’s name is Trip? For real dude?
  • And I wear cat-eye lenses, because that’s cool
  • They just bolted the Chess mask to his head and are “outting him” as the villain Chess.
  • Yes, he did say your dad kid. Yelling it isn’t going to change that.
  • WHY AM I OVER-ACTING!! Oh, because I’m a kid.
  • If Vince knows one thing it’s that explosions are NO MATCH for thin sheets of metal.
  • Flemming is like a British Eric Roberts. I wonder if he’s ‘channeling’ Eric Roberts for this role.
  • Vince just woke up in a room full of circus freaks/performers, including (gasp) a midget named Rollo. Sorry, dwarf.
  • The ringleader just guessed his weight, This guy is magical!
  • Oooh, queue dramatic organ music.
  • Circus level domestic squabbles.
  • He’s making a deal for his life with the carnival of crime, who apparently actually robs banks.
  • He called him tattoo AND cue ball!
  • Circus performers that rob banks. Have you ever seen something more ridiculous? Do you think they got this idea from The Dark Knight? They were like “let’s do that, but with way less murder and disappearing pencils”
  • I think the raccoon just got sick of looking for scraps in garbage cans.
  • You called just to hang up? That’s very stalkerish my friend.
  • Wow, this woman is overreacting.
  • Damn,the dude that double crossed him is at his funeral consoling his wife.
The Birth of a Hero
  • The circus people hang out at an old carnival. Isn’t that too obvious? Or is it so obvious it’s not and therefore genius?
  • Now he’s playing with a cape. Could he be becoming The Cape? It’s only been like 24 minutes of run time so far.
  • It was just hanging on something out in the open, why haven’t you seen it in years?
  • Is this guy the devil? Yup, he just disappeared in a plume of smoke, he’s the devil.
  • Max, the leader of the carnival, just gave him a special cape. Made of spider-silk. Stronger than Kevlar, thinner than filament. Now, that’s actually semi-plausible.
  • The special effects for the cape look pretty shitty.
  • Now his trainer is speaking gibberish.
  • It’s dwarf fighting time! Isn’t this more in Spikes realm?
  • Full-sized man wins, by a torso!
  • Can you only hypnotize them to wear women’s underwear?
  • You’re not going to want to leave your cape behind when you disappear, super-hero named THE CAPE!
Scales
  • So, Scales has Scaly skin. that’s coool
  • Shady dock deal, how shady and original.
  • Pulling away the perps behind shipping containers, how Batman Begins.
  • The Cape just got wrapped in chains and thrown in the water. You just got canceled 30 minutes into your series.
  • He went all Houdini and shook the chains off with one wiggle.
  • Summer Glau is Orwell
  • Oh, underwear & cape burn…
  • She has Batman level tech. Her interfaces look like Tony Stark’s.
  • Oh, so heeeee’s The Cape?
  • This guy is just a Ratface McGee isn’t he?
  • Cat eyes eats rats man. Foreshadowing?
  • Oh, he’s Chess again and has captured Max, the leader of the carnival clan.
  • The Cape gets the call to go help him aaaaaand, another commercial…
The Cape Vs Chess Round 1
  • Uh-oh, Max was shot.
  • Now the dwarf is going to probably beat the bejesus out of this snake man. Yup, he did, then he called him “bitch”. OOOH, SAUCY.
  • Max told The Cape the bond between Father and Son makes heroes, no the death of a mentor makes heroes.
  • Oh, ok, he didn’t die yet.
  • Haha, Chess just said “checkmate”. cheeeeesy.
  • Orwell,sounds kinda like Oracle doesn’t it? Well, it’s similar enough. If Orwell is the dead chief’s daughter this show can go to hell. TO HELL!
  • It’s kind of crazy how his hood manages to stay on this whole time. My hoods often come off with a strong wind.
  • Ugh, Orwell has a secret about who she is…my guess is we’ll find out in like eight episodes, or never.
  • He just showed up at his kid’s window as The Cape. Queue sad music…then triumphant exit music. MOST TRIUMPHANT! WYLD STALLYONS RULE! EXCELLENT!
One Week Later
  • Robber’s call the fat guy from Borat “Borat“. Is that some kind of meta-joke.
  • Where was the second guy looking when that happened to his partner?
  • I’ll, uh, just take the front door…thanks for the glowstick or flashlight or whatever.
  • Haha, your name sucks dude
Cain
  • I am shredded hood man!
  • Was that Hal Sparks?
  • It’s better if I hold this vial way up here in order to pour more elegantly…
  • Tell her he IS real!
  • Look at my tears, mom!
  • Are those his vitals? I thought it was Pac-Man at first. This guy has a Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain filing system.
  • Ok, now Hal Sparks is a French knife-thrower. This show is full of WTF moments.
  • Oh, a piiinch? I can’t understand a lot of the poisons he just said.
  • Ahh, his cape just stiffened enough for him not to die, and Oracle, I mean Orwell, saved him. In a completely different sports car than the first time. She’s riiiiiiiich.
  • Another f**king commercial?!
Max Malini
  • Oh, he’s poisoned. He’s gonna die. You just got canceled 50 mins into your premiere.
  • Summer Glau is getting screechy. She’s much better in roles where she plays quiet cyborgs or quiet special assassins.
  • Oh No…I’m dying, and I’m having to hold my American accent while I do it…
  • Oh, an online dating joke, how contemporary.
  • This is like the second death flashback/life flashing before his eyes he’s had in this episode.
  • Oh, now he was a black ops specialist before all of this? WHAT THE F******K?!
  • You mean she did “WELL”
  • More BS from his supposed friend(Ratface McGee) about how Vince was a bad guy.
  • Oh snap, he got his cape privileges revoked.
  • Some analogies about lions and tight-rope walking, blah blah.
  • He just made his grand declaration of revenge, again. Maybe they realized people would be losing interest in this show by now. Why was this premiere two hours again?
Hunting Portman
  • Oh my god, I just realized where they got the idea for the name ARK!! Batman: Arkham Asylum.
  • Look at my store bought pre-ripped jeans. Yeah, I paid $30 more for them than jeans that aren’t ripped. I’m super cool.
  • I wonder if he bought those hoods pre-frayed.
  • Ahh, the birth of a lair.
  • At least the villain is pretty bat-shit crazy and will do whatever he needs to win.
  • Oh awesome, he arranged everything on a chess board then smiled at the camera while it spun down to something smaller. That was…relevant.
  • Hal Sparks is gonna knife you man!
  • Whiny whiny whiny, cry cry cry
  • Now she thinks he’s bugging out because he said he talked to The Cape.
  • Cheesy flashback moment, that could’ve REALLY been cut. Does anyone care about his family history, and why they made the terrible choice of naming their son Trip?
  • Here’s the bucket of knives in the ball throwing machine thing(huh?) scene. I don’t think this would work for real. Ya know, in “real life”
  • Now he’s researching poisons. For antidotes? Or so he’ll have immunity to them? Ok, immunity.
  • He just made himself an eye mask…you just realized that’d help hide your identity?
Farradays are Fighters
  • Apparently this guy can barely hold his own in a fight without the cape. Batman he ain’t
  • Did he just make fun of a guy named Linus? YOU NAMED YOUR SON TRIP!!
  • You’re blowing your cover man!
  • A secret society of killers? Like the brotherhood of assassins? This show gets more wtf-y as it goes. I must admit pretty interesting though. (I may be buzzed now)
  • OK, the “I’m the cape”, “you’re not wearing a cape” moment was pretty funny. (see above parenthetical)
  • Oh, now his wife wants to remain his wife. Is this another example of  a Farraday fighting?
  • You married into the family…
The Cape Vs. Cain
  • This guy kill everybodee. He very Franch, no?
  • So this is officially his hide-out.
  • Hey, Max gave him his Cape back. Why did I just capitalize ‘cape’?
  • Is it me or did Max’s facial hair suddenly become gray? Did I miss how/why that happened?
  • Posing as a food blogger, ooh la la
  • Poison chicken? Sacre bleu!
  • Here, get a good look at my tattoo
  • Taser/knife fight! Sacre bleu part deux!
  • Why’d he hold the knife there for so long?
  • Oh shit, Cape 2.0
  • Umm, excuse me? I wanted to eat that poison…
  • This dude has an Ezio-like blade producer
  • Where the F did he go?
  • OK, that was the end, I guess.
We Know the Man He Was
  • Nope, its back on. This guy is still denying the vote for the jails to be privatized.
  • If the jail is under state control as well wouldn’t they also need state approval?
  • The kid is still all angsty about everything. Mostly his dad though.
  • Why is he on top of a building? Your cape doesn’t stiffen up to let you glide/fly. You are not Batman!!
Later this season…
  • Mena Suvari gets a job…

There you have it, all 1,700 + words of it. Yeah, I know, I’m insane for doing this. Is it passion or insanity? Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know…

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