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The Cape – Goggles and Hicks

Monday night brought us another episode of the best/worst and by far craziest show on television. Yes, it’s crazier than Adult Swim. Those shows go for weird. The people responsible for The Cape probably don’t even realize how insane of a show they’re writing.

Goggles & Hicks
  • What the hell does Afghanistan and New York have to do with Palm City?
  • So the sniper has a scorpion on his rifle barrel….did he put it there because it looked cooler?
  • The Chariot…so he’s the assassin’s …umm, assassin….
  • 200 miles east of Palm City one month later….
  • Why is he jogging to open the door?
  • Goggles? That’s a bit offensive.
  • Wow, that guy’s van is awesome. I guess that’s why they’re the chariot.
  • I was wondering why a weirdo like this would put on a glove to shake a mans hand, but he is a weirdo like this.
Cape’s Day Off
  • What’s the significance of the date? Or does The Cape just not work weekends?
  • “How would you like your eggs?” “Fertilized” THAT’S his way of saying he wants to have another kid?! WOW!
  • Nice blackmail kid.
  • End of flashback, time to cry Cape.
  • She’s the Dr Lightman(from Lie to Me) of the gang
  • You’re like the opposite of Batman. Poor as dirt and lives in a sewer, not by choice.
  • Didn’t try to open the door with the handle guys?
  • There’s no more Saturday morning cartoons? I don’t usually get up that early on a Saturday.
  • IT’S A TRAP! Ha, he just called it.
  • Do British people not eat cake? Is that why he said biscuit?
  • That actor must be in make-up for like 20 whole minutes to get that Scales look.
  • That fight scene was a series of cuts back and forth where you really couldn’t tell what was going on.
  • This Goggles guy is a CREEP
  • Orwell is looking very 80’s right now
  • What the hell did she just say?
  • I think they made half of that shit up.
  • Oh please, no more flashbacks
  • Creepily staring at your mark is a very bad way to be incognito
  • He would know how war is, he was GI Joe in a past life.
  • Captain Backstab
  • “I hate other kids” (scrunchy face)
  • That Hicks dude is weirding me the hell out.
  • That van screams child molestor
  • I think that dude just got wood after making that connection.
  • People don’t notice creepy dudes watching kids baseball practices?
  • This guy sucks at this. How do you miss that many times from that close?
  • What if it’s after her, and you split up? Then she’s dead.
  • He just punched a robot to death. I love this show.
Darkness Falls
  • Yeah, what are you doing creep?
  • Didn’t she seemed pissed about that guy getting promoted? Why is she going to his party?
  • WTF is going on? This kid saved werewolf droppings in a jar? What is going on with this show?!
  • I ask a lot of questions during these…
  • And use a lot of ellipses.
  • Ok, she went to the party for a confrontation.
  • He knows Vince is innocent. Slap him!
  • He’s a liar. Slap him!
  • He wasn’t his best friend. Slap him!
  • Don’t Leave. Slap her!
  • I am…creepy trailer park serial killer
The Quiet Ones
  • Not if it had a local anesthetic bro-hamski
  • This is such an odd scene. Kind of uncomfortable.
  • Well, her dad is Flemming
  • Are they eating the ice cream so it doesn’t go bad?
  • What is/was your father’s name exactly?
  • If he has night vision on why is he shooting like a f**king mad man?
Divide and Conquer
  • Dude didn’t think to bring a second clip huh
  • You breathing creepily while talking?
  • Did they really have to say that line?
  • No one steals the barbarian van!!
  • Aww, he has a buddy
  • You know she’s thinking “aww, he’s weird, but cute”
  • Why the hell does this guy talk so weird? Is that him doing like a hillbilly impression of Christian Bale’s Batman?
  • You should’ve taken the flash drive, idiot
  • I really can’t get over how he talks
  • Oh snap, it’s his town now!
  • I thought The Cape didn’t kill. Now he’s talking about pouring coffee into a mans eye sockets.
  • That guys speaking cadence made him my least favorite character so far on this zany show
  • Ya-ra-ra-ta-ta-ta. That sums up the episode very well.

This is one of those shows that’s fun to watch, but I’m glad when it’s over because it’s almost mentally draining. I’m still going to be pissed whenever it gets canceled. It’s gone on to so-bad-it’s-good territory.

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